Unpacking

If we left East Harlem, there aren't many places I'd want to move. I'm from lovely Western Mass. and have considered a triumphal return home, but my gut tells me I'd feel claustrophobic. Too many familiar faces, too much history. Also a bit sleepy for our tastes. Though Abby and I snooze at 9 or 10 sometimes, and love cooking at home and staying in, we do love a nightlife. (and hot yoga and surplus grocery and track races and live shows and Chinatown and Queens and and and)

Two options we've knocked around in the past few years: Atlanta and Portland, Maine. Portland's small and frigid, so we've all but ruled it out; I suspect we are ATL-bound at some point. Abby is from Georgia! We'd have some people there, enough to get a head start on building community, but not so many that we'd perish under the weight of social obligations. (There is one other option we've considered, moving to Berlin, which is a) anxiety-provoking and b) realistic because I'm a dual EU citizen.)

Why am I thinking about this? I suspect it's because we get married next weekend. New beginnings are right within grasp, you know? Abby and I can be rather stuck in our ways — half our tiny Maine wedding will be catered by the salvage grocer — but we're also impulsive and restless. Don't be surprised if someday this newsletter pivots to Aldi Hauls in Germany. (Hi Casey!)

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We'll be away until October 2, floating along Spain's Gold Coast. I will really and truly be unplugging — don't send memes or depressing news! Here is my parting gift, a surplus grocery unboxing video from the lovely Nico. I didn't have a small cardboard box so she ended up with a pretty hefty Haul.

Don't try to zoom in on her home address, sickos! See you in October.

xo,

Jesse

I didn't actually take the above picture, because this flavor is too nasty to reward with my direct gaze. Abby was the first one to note its foulness; we like to speculate on the corporate chatter when a bad product gets green lit:

"What if we made Dr. Pepper, but awful?"
"Gary you are a true visionary."

I got in a minor dustup at work this week because coworker/new Haul subscriber Eric said this flavor "Tastes just like Nyquil!" Not to be a pedant but I've had plenty of Nyquil in my day (brag) and this ain't it. "Tastes like rotten Dr. Pepper" is the correct tasting note. Then Eric found someone on the internet who agrees with him. While they are both incorrect, I quite enjoyed the needlessly savage takedown of this terrible flave.

Epilogue: Another coworker gently noted that I keep purchasing Bubly cherry, despite hating it. Nothing gets by that guy. I have no explanation for this masochistic behavior, beyond a desire for seltzer variety! (That sounds really dumb when I write it down.) I will never ever buy Polar orange vanilla, however.

Why would you need to buy this? Are you a little baby who can't put simple ingredients together? Is Annie your mommy?

Nah, dawg.

Also nah.

This was a nice, robust Greek olive, notably used in a dish I recently made with collard greens and fried sprats. I'm kind of an olive wuss — remember how these bad boys made my mouth pucker up like a little rosebud? These kalamatas are chill, though.

ANYway I want to give them a wholly positive review, but I find it unsettling how greasy the label was.

Every time we try to winnow down our hoarder freezer, the surplus grocer gets something new and magical. This time it was an entire line of imported fresh pastas, all of them unique and fascinating. I only put 3 bags in the picture but I think we bought 8. Sorry to next week's petsitters: The freezer is now a hazard.

I can't believe how delicious this tea is! The surplus grocer has tons of it in stock, and they sell these bottles 2 for $1. I thought it would be mehmeh, but it's strong and has a lot of real tea flavor. Better than Gold Peak or Lipton or whatever. It's been a summer sizzler for me and Abby.

I would like to note that this obscure beverage brand has its own mascot, who would probably hang out with the Geico gecko. Maybe they could date! IDK. I would also like to note that for all of its island vibes, this brand is an awkward resident of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Taste of Inspirations is a Preferred Haul Brand (TM). It has a dumb name, but generally this Stop & Shop store label has proven to be pretty decent. Yet these goopy salads were certainly an exception. What is it about store-bought egg salad that makes the white parts so rubbery? Why is tuna salad always so relish-sweet? Why can't they chill on the mayo? I ate all of these, alone.

These chips taste crazy, kind of a cross between bbq and salt and vinegar, but also sour cream and onion and some other things too? Even crazier is their backstory — they used to be sold exclusively in prison commissaries, until ex-inmates pestered the company to make them available to the public!