Flirt:
A woman in a motorized wheelchair asked Nde where the devotional candles are. I buy three candles a week so I offered to show her. Oops I led her down a narrow aisle and her chair got stuck. Lady said to me: "I ought to spank you!" Help.

Flirt:
Carrying a surplus grocer care package across the street, a rotund gentleman in an SUV pulled up reeeeal close and said "Oooh I need me some of that!" I don't think he meant discount groceries.

Flirt:

Flirt:
Woman next to me at hot yoga said it was unfair that I had ice cold cranberry lime seltzer — she had "half a mind to steal some sips!" The same lady also held my hand at some point during class; she was possibly unwell.

Flirt:
I left my heart on a cattle ranch in Montana, or at least part of it. I'll need to go back and reclaim!

Not flirt:
The sex cult had an open house and it was not sexy at all. One tightly wound lady pestered us the whole time with probing questions, but we would not be ruffled. We pretended to be blank-brained gentrifiers with a passion for interior design ("I simply adore your decorative hutch.") Inside I was thinking "consent matters!" #ally

xo, (flirt?)

Jesse

The deaf employee whose name I wish I knew has started shouting "Hey family!" when I come in, often with a fist bump. Into this! I'm slightly less enthusiastic when he gestures at unhealthy food items in my cart, making the universal "round-bellied santa claus" motion at my stomach.

Why your pasta sauce in a salad dressing container? Too weird for moi.

When I first started this newsletter I would play a game called "spot the flaw," noting what deformity landed each item in the isle of misfit groceries. In this case it's because the shreds are very tiny, like Dipping Dots! (No shade on the Great Value brand, which is exceptional.)

This shit sucks! Really glad I bought 3 tubes because it looked fancy. Tastes like stevia or saccharine, though the ingredient list is opaque. "Sea fresh"

Allegedly there are three (3) portions in each bag but I assure you the whole bag can be consumed by one (1) man after work. Then just let those 880 calories carry you through the entire week!

Very excited to try this bag of smelt, a Brit-coded delicacy that is consumed bones and all. I'm gonna try this posh-sounding recipe.

Pictured: 2 out of like 600 I purchased. I am wealthy, if wealth is measured in salsa.