"Too much kookoo"

Last week one of the surplus grocery cashiers used my name casually and I realized I didn't know hers - mortifying! I turned red and sheepishly asked her name, then said it was a pretty name, then complimented her Trayvon, George, Brionna shirt (yes The Haul is woke). Her name is Geneva.

ANYway on a different day from Namegate, somebody in the store was yelling at somebody else, a common occurrence. I can't even remember who it was - door guy yelling at a customer, customer yelling at another customer, cashier yelling at shelf stocker, person yelling to themself?

"So much yelling at this store!" is what I said to Geneva. She replied "Too much kookoo," without looking up from the cash register. Slight smile registered. I want a bit of her unflappable cool, not gonna lie.

Speaking of cool, there are two lady drug dealers in our neighborhood; I think they are girlfriends. They are lanky and stylish and do their jobs with a combination of swagger and gravitas. The other day these ladies were waiting behind me in line and they made at least 5 good, wry jokes. (Example: "If you ever see me in a dress, that means I'm either coming from or going to a funeral.")

Abby says I need to stop glorifying drug dealers, but the world is pretty miserable right now so I see little harm in misplaced hero worship.

*

Burying the lede: On Nov. 1st, we are moving to Massachusetts! I was hanging out with someone the other night and I told them about the move. Hand to heart, they replied: "Congratulations...oh wait, what about The Haul??" Very touching (and confusing?) that this devout reader was concerned about this silly biannual newsletter.

It's not a forever move, just a 6-12-month sublet to be closer to my mom, who is very cool. We'll either be living in Springfield or Northampton (very different cities!) and depending on which one, I intend to document how we shop. Will it be the organic bougie "discount grocer" in Northampton or will it be this huge Asian supermarket in Springfield? You'll be the first to know!

But also, I will still be visiting NYC regularly for work, and I intend to stop by the surplus grocer every time — insulated cooler in tow. Just normal stuff.

XO,

Jesse

When I visited Massachusetts recently, Abby went to the surplus grocer alone a couple times. She texted me: "They keep asking 'Where's Jesse??' without even saying hi to me!"

When I came back, I'd describe the vibe as "not mad but disappointed" — pursed lips and raised eyebrows. As far as I can tell they had kept a large seltzer shipment aside for me, but eventually ended up selling it because they were afraid I wasn't coming back. Sheesh guys!

Two thoughts:
1) I spend money there almost every day. Am I being arrogant to wonder whether they count on my income in some way? Like when a whale visits their favorite Las Vegas casino.
2) I haven't had the huevos to tell them about our move yet.

You may recall I had unkind words about Billy Manzo: "it seems like he might be divorced/sad/trying too hard. Sorry!"

Since then we have tried his pizza, and it is a thorough delight. He uses water imported from the Dolamites, a silly parlor trick that 100% works on consumers like me. More real is the wood-fired preparation, which feels distinct in the packaged pizza space (DiGiorno could never.) I would assert this is the best frozen pizza I've ever eaten. Tall praise!

I have also gone deep down the rabbit hole of Billy Manzo lore, which is easy because he loves self-promotion. The back of the box contains a long essay about his humble Rhode Island roots, written in tiny font. Did you know Billy Manzo first started making pizza to serve in a cigar lounge (why) he owned in Providence? Or that he's one of only 8 Certified Pizzaiolos (what) in the United States?

I've been sharing Billy Manzo video clips with everyone I know — he absolutely killed on a recent picnic with friends. I mean, you can't make this guy up!

Also today a shopper at the surplus grocer was muttering aloud that she didn't want the DiGiorno Meat Lovers Croissant Crust pizza that's on offer. I was thrilled to let her know that Billy Manzo pizzas are both available and delightful. She said, "I'll take your word for it! Do you think I can put my mushrooms on there?" I assured her that she could.

I bought some quail eggs from a Russian grocer last year but shamefully let them spoil before we had a chance to use them. Never again! This 18-pack from the surplus grocer was perfectly suited for this Indonesian recipe with eggplant and tofu. They came out jammy — the absolute best way to eat an egg, imo — and each little guy burst in my mouth like a Gusher.

This pineapple juice practically screams colonizer, don't it? (The Haul is woke.) What I find odd is that this product is only 6.6% juice, the rest being water, but I guess that technically counts as 100% pineapple juice. I bought this juice to make Abby a special cocktail, don't worry about it.

I hate White Castle but they have a knack for hawking products I'm a sucker for. Chopped cheese pizza rolls? Yes, please.

This is the fourth Ming's product we've tried now; you're forgiven if you'd assume it would be sweet goopy schlock. This product is part of the signature line from celebrity chef Ming Tsai and dare I say, it's almost elegant? Really subtle interplay of ingredients, generous portions of juicy meats, smart spicing, quite nice for the weeknights we're too tired to cook. (Lol they even got a glowing writeup from an actual food critic.)

We wasted not just one (1) but two (2) bags of this fresh lettuce mix because our fridge is too full and we were traveling. Posting here for accountability.