The old gray mare

Either our luck has run out, or the surplus grocer's standards have slipped. We've been witnessing more spoilage, is what I'm trying to say.

I mentioned the rancid lobster bisque and the spoiled can of La Colombe, but just this week a quart of Panera broccoli cheddar soup was notably stinky. And a Cedar-brand hummus/pretzel snackpack had mold on it. (I threw the whole thing out in a fit of rage, then regretted not keeping the pretzels.) Also there was this:

(I don't like buying jarred garlic because it seems lazy but Abby insisted, though I'm not saying the mold is her fault.)

ANYway there is a small subset of readers — like the eminent Dr. "this grosses me out" Bernstein — who read this newsletter for a perverse thrill, under the assumption that my shopping behavior is cavalier and risky and will eventually catch up with me. Are you happy now, doctor? The garlic went off.

*

I have vowed not to shop at the surplus grocer between now and my birthday on October 10th, though it has nothing to do with spoilage. Abby is planning some elaborate birthday meals and needs to clear out space in the fridge and freezer.

I've broken similar promises before, but this time I mean it! Abby looked me in the eye, squeezed my arm, and said it was very important. Yes sweetie, I can stop shopping — for you, and for the birthday meals you will cook.

Also the fridge sounds really ragged at the moment, like a rickety old roller coaster car, struggling to ascend a big hill. plink-plink-plink-plink, I can hear it now. I'd rather not destroy it — it's the only fridge we have. I'd take a picture of the over-stuffed interior but I'm legitimately embarrassed.

Full disclosure: I went to the surplus grocer this morning, but I only bought seltzer and devotional candles. These items are exempt.

Okay gotta go. Did you know I wrote an article for the New York Times this week? It's true.

xo,

Jesse

Featured Items

I love how these treats are packaged, I love their sassy pinwheel design, I love how they taste. Party on America!

Sometimes we hold onto an item because we don't know what to do with it, but in this case it seems too precious to consume. We don't want to use this primo Thai bone broth for something underwhelming, so we just don't use it at all. Definitely an awkward shape in the freezer.

When I was in Americorps, my wages were meager so I ate a lot of spaghetti with Ragu alfredo sauce. At some point that product started to repulse me, though: bland, yellow-gray, gelatinous. Like the unseasoned chicken breast of pasta sauces. No thanks! I swore off store-bought alfredo years ago.

And yet, Rana is a brand I trust, and it's sold refrigerated which seems a couple notches higher on the classy scale. So I took a risk and you know what? It wasn't too bad at all. Abby combined it with some surplus grocer pesto for a delightful ravioli sauce.

I was so excited to eat these that I couldn't stay still for one photo! JK my photography just sucks. These are surprisingly good, to be honest. Couldn't decide if they're better dipped in ranch or in salsa, so we did both! Classy. (Isn't it weirdly specific that there are 23 taquitos per box?)

Have been getting a lot of Delimex targeted ads since we ate these. Their tagline is "Delicioso Mexican Style Flavor" and they make no other products besides taquitos.

Much like that box of 23 taquitos, this Drano comes with a 23-inch snake. I brought this home and said to Abby, who was working in her bedroom, "I've got an exciting surprise for you!" I wasn't joking either. We have serious drain issues in our apartment. Now we can LARP as plumbers!