Spouse of a Sunpup

A plumber finally drove up from Brooklyn this week to fix our palsied radiator. He was more drunk than I expected (hit other cars 5+ times when trying to parallel park) but was very gentle with Lola.

After inspecting the radiator, he snarked at our super's botched repairs in a way that made us feel confident: "Your guy? He did a bad job." Besides the two times he burned his hand, the repair was brisk and uneventful; he left after a half hour.

Six hours later, the radiator started belching water out in a new, less dignified way. It also started to make kind of a mournful wail — Abby is concerned with the level of empathy I'm displaying. I'm concerned she is heartless.

In conclusion, this situation sucks but at least it's unusual and funny. (That's exactly what I said after seeing our old Russian housepainter naked last month when he decided to change in the living room.)

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SHAMELESS PLUG: Please listen to our smart new podcast and tell every single friend and uncle about it. TYSM.

xo,

Jesse

P.S. My sweet mom sent us a new toaster oven after reading last week's Haul,

This boutique seltz arrived at the surplus grocer last fall — sorry I forgot to tell you. The cans are the same size as typical seltzers, but tall and skinny, covered in a wild floral design.

These cans kept us happy and hydrated during a brief dry spell on the typical brands (Schweppes, Polar, Bubly, Canada Dry). The highlight was when Ambrook hosted a swank party and bought lots of funky natural wine but forgot to buy water. One attendee said "Please, my young daughter is thirsty" and I was like "Sure I just need to wait for our tiny Brita to drain." Blub blub blub, while a small child eyes me accusingly.

Origin seltzer to the rescue! I donated my entire personal stash to the cause, and suddenly everyone was holding the hottest carbonated accessory in all of downtown Manhattan.

On a recent visit I noted kind of a manic energy in the store — it has clear moods. When I mentioned the vibe to my cashier, she said:

"People are crazy! Today a woman came in the store with a big puffy coat. She go to the freezer and take six bags of shrimp, put em in her jacket. Then she come up to me and say, 'You want to buy these? They're from my house.' I said 'No! You just took them from us. How you gonna try to sell them to me?' I know people take things to sell outside on the street but she didn't even leave. So lazy!"

Apparently the trickiest part was convincing the woman to hand the shrimp over, because she seemed convinced they were actually hers.

(I told my coworkers this story and they were simply astounded.)

Are you familiar with Faygo, official beverage of the Insane Clown Posse? It's made by the same company that makes LaCroix (gross) and I'm guessing it is sweet AF. What does a Firework taste like?

Not enough freezer space, but.

I wanted to love these a) because Hebrew National makes a killer dog, and b) I assumed knockwurst was similar to bratwurst. They may be cousins (German ancestry), but these were so mild they barely even registered a flavor profile. 4/10

The grocer got like 10 enormous pallets of these Lavazza cold brew cans. Unlike the gauche Walmart peanuts I brought in to share at work, my colleagues seem to enjoy these. I will keep stocking the office fridge.

Do you like Funyuns? I did, until I realized they aren't actually made of onions. Just like, deep-fried dough with onion powder. I mention this because I think Fiesta Twists are actually Funyuns with a zesty flavor/un-circular shape.

Polish pasta! This was similar to orzo, but matchstick-sized. We made a soup.

This is damn fine cheese but maybe I didn't need to buy several of them? It's so strong, you only need a pea-sized portion per sitting. Also we'll never be able to tell if it spoils because it's already mold.