Mailbag!

I briefly considered the subject line "Feedbag" but was immediately hit with a wave of exhaustion. Clever and quippy simply isn't the vibe right now.

AND YET. Here's another edition of a clever, quippy newsletter about one man's journey to discover all the zaniest treasures at his surplus grocer. Hijinks! As the world burns.

Time for some reader feedback.

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First off, let us turn to reader/fellow journalist Shelby, who I met for a nice weekday lunch recently. We talked about how tiring everything is, and what types of things normal people probably do for money (pottery kiln attendant? kelp forager? parakeet?)

Shelby and I brought each other little food gifts of the "get this trash out of my home" variety. She gave me a spaghetti squash she found in front of a random church, while I gave her:

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Next we check in with Simran, former Counter contributing writer, who wrote in to mourn my employer's untimely demise, but also to comment on my empanada wrappers. Simran said:

Discos are disks but it's better when we don’t translate it.

Why is that such a compelling phrase? It's like an ancient rune, or maybe more like this. Discos are disks but it's better when we don't translate it.

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Back to the Mailbag! Longtime reader Jessica did not agree with my seltzer power rankings:

POLAR is the bargain brand?! I object. My order of preference of the four listed is Polar > Schweppes > Canada Dry > Bubly. HOW can a can with as font/design as ugly as Bubly be the premium option?!

(Not saying my opinions are the correct ones for everyone, just for me.)

She's incorrect, but I believe in free speech.

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Reader Jesse expressed some concern with how la-dee-da I am about dented cans: Hey, one thing about the latest issue of your fantastic newsletter -- I have heard that dented cans can harbor botulism, especially anything dented on the seam or with a dent big enough for a fingertip.

Jesse is correct (as Jesses tend to be), but as a former full-time writer on food poisoning, I've determined the risk to be slight. If you're interested, read more here.

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Our last Mailbag item is from the lovely Tamara, who shared some thoughts on seltzer:

I have adored this seltzer series! It really is SO quenching/refreshing. When I was farming I drank 2-3 cases a week, and liked the Aha ones with caffeine and electrolytes. Idk if it was in my head but I swear those made me feel better than normal water when it was super hot out.

Abby and I were just having a moral struggle about caffeinated seltzer, after the surplus grocer ended up with a handful of caffeinated Bublys. I was so so tempted to try them, as they were a new-to-me flavor (blood orange grapefruit!) Ultimately it just seemed like a crime against God.

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Thanks everybody for reading, feel free to share The Haul with your friends. Also I got a new job! Bye.

XO,

Jesse

Featured Items

Surplus grocer now has a bunch of items from the Hy-Top brand, so I got curious. Turns out, this is the store brand for independent grocers! It was founded in the 1950s so the little guys could have their own discount brand to compete with the Safeways and the Krogers of the world. Hy-Top also provides handy recipes on its website, like Spaghetti Pie and Texas Caviar.

Whenever there's a risky new item at the surplus grocer, it's prudent to buy one as a test case. I was not cautious with this item, however, as it was clearly "something I would like." I bought two packages, with little foresight as to how sweet it would be. Or how...wet. A very moist product, this.

The first batch was quite upsetting, but I did my best to offset the sweet with some hot sauce, potato rolls, and homemade slaw and pickles. Not ideal, but I powered through. (Abby abstained.)

Last night I excavated batch number two from the freezer and performed a surgical rescue. First I put the gloop in a colander under running water for 5 minutes, as I hand-massaged the sugar gravy out. Then I heated the clean chicken in a pan with leftover rice, a bit of tomato sauce, and some cumin and cayenne. Finally I spooned the whole mixture into tortillas, topping it with cabbage and a spicy crema. It was better than awful!

It's trippy that online-only Amazon products can travel all over the country along a massive, convoluted supply chain, only to reach the end of the line: a tiny surplus grocer in East Harlem.

I never supported the "chicken fries" at Burger King — not that I ever tried them — because the concept was just weird. It felt like a wholly unnecessary version of veganizing meat dishes or making pasta out of zucchini. Like, why? Aren't chicken tenders enough? What is the goal?

THAT SAID, I was overjoyed to snag one of these boxes from the surplus grocer. It was simply too novel to pass up, especially because they're a French-Canadian grocery item, never intended for us Yanks. I strongly encourage you to view the entire Yummy line of products.

I have a short story about these serviceable-but-unremarkable chicken meatballs. I bought some a little while back, then found a pasta recipe they'd be perfect for. Except, I COULDN'T FIND THEM IN THE CLAUSTROPHOBIC NIGHTMARE THAT IS OUR FREEZER. I'd bought them mere weeks before, but our freezer had swallowed them whole. I felt very sheepish to return to the surplus grocer for a second pack of these meatballs, but I had no choice. The first package remains at large.