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Jerry Saltz >>>Jesse Seltz

By Jesse Hirsch —
Jerry Saltz >>>Jesse Seltz
Logo by "Bubbles" Hinton

What started as occasional surplus seltzer purchases — 2-liter bottles of mandarin orange Canada Dry, to be precise — has morphed into an all-consuming lifestyle, as I have aggressively chronicled here. I never asked if you wanted to hear so much about seltz, but I'm taking your silence as consent.

(?)

I work closely with a talented designer who lives in Boston, and I learned last year that she's a fellow seltz-head. Ali's preferred brands are a high-low split: populist Polar when she's feeling frugal, or spendy Spindrift when she feels like a fancy-pants Brahmin. Her perspective is quite valuable to me, as she has a front-row seat to Massachusetts' statewide obsession with all things Polar. Ali sometimes sends photos of the truly unhinged seltzer displays at her local grocer.

At hot yoga, one of the most intense teachers* is also a seltzer-lover; she often stomps around class brandishing 1-liter bottles of Vintage. And EVERY SINGLE TIME I open a seltzer can in class, Julie interrupts the flow to say something like "Doesn't that sound refreshing?? It's like a freakin' seltzer commercial in here! Ya making me jealous Jesse!!!" Sometimes people turn and stare.

I guess the point is that I find myself increasingly surrounded by people who share my carbonated passions, or at least indulge them (Abby and I walked into a nice dinner party recently, each holding open cans of Bubly — zero shame.) I warn you: This will simply encourage me to keep writing on the topic. Oopsie daisy!

Next week I'm going to try out some new formats for this newsletter, adding fun sections like "Overheard" and "Around the Neighborhood." Until then!

xo, (Abby's all-time favorite movie clip)

Jesse

*Last week another yoga teacher Victor, who likes to bring up man stuff like "the Raiders game" and "chugging Henny," called out "Someone drinking beer up in here?" when I opened a seltzer can. He sure liked that joke!

Nacho-flavored kale seems vaguely ominous; we shall see how it goes. (Half-pound of greens cooks down to 2 ounces of dried kale, lol.)

Mortadella is Italian for "fancy baloney" fyi. If you're curious, Spruce Eats has a good rundown of what actually distinguishes the two meats. The tldr is that mortadella has more flavor and fatty bits than boring old baloney. I've been eating this as a late-night snack, wrapped around wee cubes of Monterey Jack.

We love naan in this household, and were over the moon to score this Sam's Club bulk pack. But then Abby and I kept saving them for a special occasion, not heating em up for the many appropriate dishes they could have accompanied (soup, stirfry, etc) The entire package molded, and it's our fault — not the surplus grocer's.

Longtime readers will recall that we've bought many La Colombe lattes from our favorite store — $1 per can, when they're $3 minimum anywhere else. This was a non-dairy departure, though, and it was not very good! Kind of tasted like office supplies; I probably should have sampled before buying 15 cans of it. Abby made me drink every can myself; this is the very last one.

Here's a game: Which of this Spanish company's seafood medleys did we buy here? I'm torn between "Extra Sellfish Soup" and "Fantasy Salad." Inside the package is squid tentacles, squid chunks, cooked mussels, imitation crab, and peeled shrimp. We having paella, baby!

Bonus! I'm increasingly obsessed with these ASMR corporate sizzle reels: