Everything everywhere

Did I tell you Abby is now a daily writer for Runner's World? Combining your passions is lucky! Abby's dad said he knows "what it must feel like to be or have been the father of Jane Austen or J.K. Rowling."  

The downside to her new job is that she's also juggling a bunch of pre-existing freelance projects, which led to a ~minor meltdown~ this week. Luckily I found a simple solution at the salvage grocer:

Don't worry, I'm not one of those thoughtless bros who grabs his lady some plush toy at Walgreens when he forgets an anniversary — this gift is perfectly calibrated for Abby's cravings. Bummer she left them near the heater — hearts were melting!

xo,

Jesse

P.S. New section alert: Gummi Gifts.

1. My mom was in the hospital last week (she's okay now). Sometimes I ate leftover entrees that she lacked the appetite for. Meat lasagna was tops!
2. We buy mail-order tortillas from an excellent Mexican bakery in Fruitland, Idaho. I may have over-ordered recently because two packs went a little moldy. There was no noticeable flavor or texture issue. Please don't unsubscribe:

3. I broke one of my devotional candles and the wax dripped all over the floor. I'm now feeding bits of the spilled wax into other candles. Vaguely obscene:

4. In January I purchased a box of "Big Boss" pepperoni and cheese snackpacks. Each pack includes shelf-stable rods of meat & cheese — this product is not right. Parmesan is basically the only cheese you don't have to refrigerate, and that's because it's loaded with weird additives. These cheese rods taste weird and tangy and unpleasant, so I tried feeding some to Lola, who threw up (true). This morning I shredded one for a breakfast quesadilla and it WOULDN'T MELT. Cursed:

We've been giving the same gifts to houseguests and hosts for a couple of years now, a salvage-sourced pairing of gummi sushi and gummi noodles:

Rosa and Matthew got the last ones, however, so we're moving on. Now we shall distribute gummi monkeys, gummi dinos, and gummi build-your-own-burgers. Our first handsome customers, as photographed by Terry Richardson:

This is the stuff that squirts out of movie theater butter dispensers.

Two full-sized bags for one dollar!

My boss has noted how oat milk companies trash-talk the dairy industry, but still want the positive brand association from labeling themselves "milk." (Kombucha is weird, though.)

What's the difference between a Kind bar and a Clif bar? Actually, who cares.

I didn't know halloumi cheese until I met Abby, who used to work at a tech startup in Berlin. She developed a taste for halloumi as a post-bar takeout treat, sliced and grilled. It's really good! My former coworker Tina lamented she could never find it in North Carolina, unless she spent a million dollars at a specialty grocer. Got this one imported from Cyprus, for a mere $2.50.

I listed other things that should be in these "Fully Loaded" nacho dogs — olives, onions, jalapeños, sour cream — until Abby told me to stop.