Consider the Labor

It's a 3-day weekend! FYI.

I've told a few stories before about people losing their shit in the surplus grocer. I'm not too proud of my role in these situations, absorbing the drama and gossiping about it with the cashiers later.

Truth is, our neighborhood has a high percentage of the unhoused and the unstable; drugs and mental illness are common. So it's not really couth for me to gawk at someone else's manic episode — this isn't T.V.

Additionally! I've seen enough manic episodes to realize store management is not doing much to protect its workers. A few weeks ago, an older Black woman came completely undone after one of the cashiers asked if she could step aside for another customer. She went on a 15-minute long profane rant, saying the workers "have a merchant mentality," are "the wrong kind of Black people," and "should get right back on that wooden boat and go home." Ugly stuff.

There was a manager witnessing the entire scene; he did nothing to intervene. A good samaritan customer eventually came over and gave the woman some tough love — "I hear you sister, but we really can't be yelling in the store like this" — and the temperature started to cool. One of the cashiers later said to me, "That woman should not be allowed back here. The bosses do not protect us."

Then last week a guy got mad at the door guy for asking him to check his bag. He started yelling "You ain't my father!" and "You dumb f*ggot!" The dude eventually knocked over some boxes and stomped out — a frisson of violence lingered. The typically taciturn door guy then started yelling at the manager: "One time it's gonna be bad! You have to call the police! What if there was six guys!" The silent manager stared at him blankly.

This is my favorite store and while I try to pretend it's perfect, systemic problems exist here too. I should mention that both villains in these stories had purchased some items — I suspect there's a "customer is always right" thing going on. (To me, that is the epitome of "merchant mentality.") This is just one tiny example of how the lowest-paid workers get short shrift under capitalism. What a bummer.

*

In other news, a dude at the liquor store told me I look just like Chuck Norris. This is not the first time I've heard this.

In still other news, I brought my colleagues to a hot yoga class this week. I told them that I like to eat a hot dog before every class, and nobody believed me. IT IS THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF PROTEIN, GASSING ME UP WITHOUT WEIGHING ME DOWN. What's so hard to understand? (To be fair, it was an 8am class — a 7am hot dog is frowned on by society.)

Okay, gotta go! I'm getting married soon, no time for small talk.

xo,

Jesse

My employer got a slick new office in Chinatown that I actually enjoy working in! I'd prefer not to commute anywhere but hey. It's a gorgeous, inviting space in an exciting, delicious neighborhood; plus I like my co-workers.

ANYway I've been bringing in grab bags of seltzer for the communal fridge. It's honestly tough to keep up with my colleagues' thirst — they be crushing cans! I thought we'd run out of seltz, then at our glam "office launch" party I was thrilled to find one last can of Schweppes lemon-lime tucked behind all the natural wine and San Pellegrino. It was like an Easter Egg I had left for myself; Abby and I guzzled it greedily.

In hindsight it's shocking I bought this. You know how everyone has their favorite mayo, Duke's or Hellman's or Kewpie (for the showoffs)? I'd wager that Kraft is no one's favorite, and yet I put this portly gentleman in my cart and purchased it. Scarcity mindset is my only excuse - it may have been purchased early in the pandemic, when I suspected we'd soon be eating cat kibble.

(Verdict: It's actually fine. Not convinced I could distinguish it from Hellman's in a blind test.)

For all intents and purposes, this is kielbasa. I have two theories as to why they don't say so:

1. "Kielbasa" is like champagne or bourbon or parmesan cheese. Like, you need pork from a certain region, or that's been aged a certain way, in order to legally put the word on your label.

or

2.  Kielbasa sounds ethnic and Smithfield (the largest pork manufacturer in          the world) was afraid it would alienate certaina customers.

Abby used to make post-workout protein shakes with whole milk but recently started swapping in almond or soy (oat milk doesn't do it for her.) ANYway when I was sent to buy some alt-milk last weekend, this was all they had. The "plant" in this case is pea protein, which does not taste good! Abby's official review: "Like drinking paste."

At first glance I thought these might be plant-based, misspelling "wings" to get around meat labeling laws. Nope, they're just Canadian. I love that they shaped these nuggets like cute little wings and drumsticks. I did not love how they tasted, or their gummy mouthfeel.

After Abby bought this as a healthier dessert alternative, I couldn't stop saying "Chobani Flip" for some reason. It felt very hilarious for like 48 hours and now I can't remember why. Maybe I'd use it as a slang descriptor? Like, "Oh you knowwww that shit was true Chobani Flip!" No, that's not funny.