Before I go
Story time!
I've been with Abby for seven (7) years, as of this past February. The video above came from a momentous 2018 vacation to France. I proposed to Abby on that trip, on the roof of an abandoned utilities shed in the tiny village where my dad lives part-time. (I'm a dual French citizen by the way - lots of new info in this post!)
Instead of a ring, I used a Kate Spade bracelet that I secretly bought after Abby admired it on a stranger. We had a peach cobbler burbling in the oven during my proposal; after she said "Yes" (spoiler) we had to hustle home to get it out! A telling moment, in terms of structuring our life around food.
As I consider it, that two-week trip was rather prescient in terms of our later shopping habits. Montlaur is remote — a solid half hour drive from bigger towns — but there is one little greengrocer, a butcher, and a weekly farmer's market. We did the French thing: grocery shopping every afternoon for the evening's dinner. One time I bought cockles, and cooked them for a wary Abby (6/10 pasta dish).
Since then, we've been lackadaisical about like, actually getting married. We started getting real about it in late 2019, then some stuff happened in the world and we put it on the backburner. Wellllll....we're finally taking the plunge this year! In September.
And I'm feeling pressed for time: trying to plan for a wedding while working a bunch, courting Abby (it never ends), seeing loved ones, and scribbling my weekly newsletter about groceries. One item suddenly seems a little more optional, you know?
I'm going to take a little hiatus from writing The Haul consistently. It's so much fun, but I've been feeling undue pressure to keep a weekly cadence — I never want this to feel like an obligation. I'll be back in awhile!
xo,
Jesse
P.S. While I'm away, Pearse is very eager to take the wheel, but I'd welcome guest posts from any of y'all.
Hit me up!
Seltz Street
A place for carbonated updates.
This week, my boss started a team meeting by noting she was drinking a Waterloo seltzer "just like Jesse." After virtually toasting her with my Schweppes orange, I asked if she liked it. Mackenzie said "Honestly no" and mentioned how odd it is for something without sweetener to seem so sweet.
Some (me) would note that this is flavored seltzer's brilliance! But in America we allow for the free exchange of incorrect opinions. Mackenzie also mentioned awhile back how odd it was that I was drinking watermelon seltzer at 9:30am. I reflexively yelped "It's not booze!" — a bit too loudly.
Also this week, a fellow hot yogi started bringing cans of LaCroix orange to class. As far as I know, she's the only one there who drinks canned seltz like myself. I've never noticed this woman before but now I'm considering whether we should be friends or enemies. About 20 minutes into class, we both make that pop-hssssss can-opening sound, and the instructors always say something dumb about it.
How does that make her feel?
Waste not
Our pathological commitment to not wasting food.
This week Abby made pepperoni and olive pizza, a classic combo in this household. At dinner, she kept grimacing, then rooting around in her mouth for "hard pieces." Fuck.
Backstory: A few weeks ago I broke a nearly-full jar of tomato sauce, casualty of our swollen fridge. But, like some kind of sicko, I decided to salvage some of the sauce by manually picking out any glass pieces. I put the remnants in Tupperware and forgot about it. Friday night, all its history misplaced, Abby put the sauce on our pizza.
After finding a couple of small shards, I googled "dangers of consuming glass" and told Abby that spouses who poison each other with ground glass require months of consistency. "We aren't going to die tonight," I reassured her.
Circling back
How did they use the items?
New section alert! Thought I'd surprise you.
These duders didn't squirt nacho cheese like I'd hoped, Gushers of the wiener world. (I've been waiting all week to say that.) They do have like, nacho spicing, so I was confused about what toppings to use. I asked Abby for her thoughts, and she suggested pickled jalapeños and sour cream — suspiciously similar to what Nathan's recommends.
Abby's suggestion was solid! I ate nacho dogs every morning before hot yoga this week, fervently hoping I didn't carry a cheesedog aroma to class.
I've received multiple requests for updates on the tuna chili. I regret to inform you it was profoundly normal. We ate it with grilled cheese sandwiches for a weekday lunch, adding cheese shreds and sour cream, and it wasn't dissimilar from most supermarket chilis I've tried. Tuna's flavor blends in pretty easily, turns out. Not so different from other light proteins.
Featured Items
This is something normal children say to their parents.
"Caulipower" aside, Abby points out that they're excusing a skimpy amount of pepperoni by giving it a cutesy name. Give us full pep, you cowards!
I suspect that Kraft is feeling the heat from smaller parm purveyors who sell their wares in deli containers like this. Is this refrigerated parmesan the exact product that they sell in shelf-stable green tubes? Hard to say, but I bought it.
I love this shit: BBQ Corn Chips, Cheese Crunchies, Wheel Pretzels, Cheesier (?) Nacho Tortillas, and Tortilla Chips. IYKYK.
Abby convinced me to get these. I wasn't convinced they'd be better than the garlic bread we make from scratch (plain bread with butter and garlic powder, toasted). Somehow it was better, though. And so easy to make!
Downside: There are only four (4) modest slices of garlic bread in this Eggo-sized package. Skimpy.