Auld lang syne for summer
For my last newsletter, I did a Mailbag roundup. You probably remember because it was only one week ago. Well guess what? I got a scathing piece of reader mail* in response:
READER COMMENTS??? Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This kind of yucky attitude makes me want to do 3 editions of Mailbag in a row. Powered by spite. But I shan't. Rather, I'd like to give updates on some old Haul items, for a bit of continuity on the journey we're all taking here.
Bulk bisque
You may remember the bulk lobster bisque I bought, which Abby suggested was a "stunt" purchase. For the past few weeks it has taken up far too much freezer real estate. The bag also froze in kind of a weird contortion, making it both huge and awkward to Tetris around. I grew to resent this bisque.
This week I saw an opening! Abby and I planned BLTs for weekday lunch (a perennial favorite), and we fancied a little soup on the side. The surplus grocer often stocks refrigerated Panera soups but they were fresh out. Bisque city, baby!
After defrosting the lumpen sack, I noticed the cream had chunked up or curdled or separated - not a great sign. I used the immersion blender to create a simulacrum of smoothness, then dumped the whole half gallon in a stockpot and simmered. Good news: Our BLTs were excellent (used that Amazon bacon, if you must know). Bad news: The soup was rancid and I dumped it all down the drain.
Q: Hey Jesse? It seems like you frame every spoiled Haul item as an anomaly, but these don't seem like isolated incidents. What's the deal?
A: Hush.
Chocolate bunnies with headband
We received a sweet gift from our kooky Italian neighbor a little while back, the kind of thing you see on the clearance rack after Easter. I had literally no idea what to do with these cheap choco-bunnies, but Abby got resourceful. We went to a party in Brooklyn a couple weeks ago that included a baking contest. Abby melted down the bunnies for a chocolate cream pie. And guess what??
Also I've been wearing the bunny ears around the house for giggles. Everyone loves it.
Seltzer (general update)
Feast or famine, I'm telling you. After weeks of luxurious overabundance, when I could go to the surplus grocer any given day and come home with dozens of cans to crush, I noticed they started running low. I kept telling Abby to get ready for the "lean seltzer times ahead." (She mostly ignored my drama.)
They eventually ran out of cans, but luckily had a bunch of Canada Dry single-serve bottles, two for a dollar. Only had two flavors, mandarin orange and pomegranate cherry, but we lean beggar over chooser. Then they ran out of single-serve bottles and we were reduced to buying two-liter bottles, then pouring it into glasses, which feels very formal and antithetical to our can-crushing lifestyle.
We are on our last 2-liter Canada Dry bottle, as I write this. Black cherry flavor. Really not sure where to go from here (the answer is Target.) Side note: My reusable water bottle, filled with orange seltz, exploded in my workout bag on the subway today, so my mat and towel were soaked and citrusy for yoga class. I bought a Hal's seltzer to replace it but when I opened it mid-class it sprayed mango seltzer everywhere and several people (including teacher) teased me.
I've had better days.
Publix dog food
Lola really loves this stuff, full stop. I almost think she doesn't care about politics! SMH.
We've been working through our supply steadily, and I was hoping at some point that we'd move on to a different type of dog food. Unfortunately the surplus grocery unveiled many enormous pallets of these With Country Stew Cuts. At a dollar a can, I think we're locked in to this stuff for the rest of Lola's natural life. Little taste of DeSantis up in East Harlem.
*
There were a couple of other items I wanted to update you on, but I forgot after hot yoga. Guess that's a wrap! Will announce my new job soon.
xo,
Jesse
*The commenter will remain nameless though I hope she/he/they will be arrested forthwith
Featured Items
I watched a man inspect this can for an awfully long time before ultimately deciding against it. I could imagine his internal debate pretty clearly: 7 dollars is very cheap for 4 pounds of tuna! But then you have 4 pounds of tuna. Tough call.
This one is pretty embarrassing, if I'm honest. They're intended for a Mexican market so there are no English words on the label. Abby and I spent weeks saving them for the right occasion, excited for the cheesy bacon fries ahead. Oops no, just regular crinkle cuts — cheese and bacon are simply their suggested accoutrements. The fries were fine, but I felt disappointed a) in the lack of cheese and b) in myself.
Learn Spanish, dumdum. At least I knew how to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit to cook them.
I'm really turning a corner on plant-y shit, a surprise even to me. These faux-sausage pucks, made from pea and brown rice protein with a light sage flavor, are quite good! Fried 'em up in the pan, served with admittedly non-vegan things, had ourselves a nice little breakfast. Are the products getting better, or are we getting more open-minded?
There's a category of frozen entrees that Abby and I get for nights when we have zero energy to cook. They widely range in quality, so we've gotten choosier over time (no more gloopy "orange chicken with bell pepper," for instance). This chicken parm is probably the very best item in that category, a truly superior product. We've been working through 5 boxes of it, and are on our last one now. Thanks for the memories, Michael Angelo's. (Tagline: All Nonna's Favorites.)
Funny label note: The words around that Italian flag say "Inspired by Italian traditions" not "Imported from Italy" as one might imagine.
We paid $3 for this unmarked 2-pound package of pork tenderloin, making it the exact opposite of knowing your meat, knowing your farmer, all that jazz. About as industrially produced as you can get.
I used this pork in a wonderful Korean recipe, but felt kind of weird about it. Reader prompt: Does the very nature of the surplus grocer preempt typical ethical issues about meat sourcing? I've been operating with that self-serving approach, but I feel like it's a gray area and I'd love to hear your thoughts.