Assorted Unused Pearse Segments

Hi, Jesse here. Pearse generously sent me 11 (!) pages of content to use while Abby and I plan our glamorous wedding that no one is invited to, not to mention an ambitious print publication that I'm making for work — you are the FIRST to hear of this — and maybe even a podcast? Busy bee.

Before we get into Pearse's Posts, I wanted to share a melancholic little story. The other day I was walking to the surplus grocer and heard a little chittering at my feet. It was a raggedy-ass little baby pigeon, all dirty with matted hair, possibly hurt, looking up at me with big eyes. Little guy was so pathetic and vulnerable but clearly had some lifeforce — it started following me down the sidewalk!

When I got to the store, it boldly tried to follow me in, loudly cheep-cheep-cheeping all the while. I had to crouch down and give a stern-but-soft admonition, something dumb like "Birdies can't come in stores!" As I went inside, I felt something akin to heartbreak, because I knew I'd never see it again, and it probably wouldn't last long out there in East Harlem. Goodbye, my guy.

Anyway, take it away Pearse!

xo,

Jesse

By Pearse Anderson

Monica, my partner, helps distribute food with our neighborhood’s mutual aid society, here on the North Side. As a rare car-owner, she often drives down to the food distro warehouse to load the entire car full, an errand I sometimes help with, and I’m usually rewarded either way. There’s a pile of surplus sodas and snacks for food runners to take from the warehouse, yielding me candy (see below oatmeal), vegan rice pudding, and now the very boho Aura Bora herbal sparkling water. Cactus Rose didn’t woo us,* but Lavender Cucumber was fun! I’m holding out hope we’ll get Peppermint Watermelon soon. Mostly, I love their can design, logging them into my CPDG account and my can-based Pinterest board.

*Jesse note: The Cactus Rose can (left) is not an Aura Bora product - don't be misled. It's a traditional Mexican probiotic beverage called Tepache, made by the De la Calle company. How do I know? Because Abby is writing about it for Saveur magazine, and we have several cases of it! Also, Aura Bora was on Shark Tank, if you're into that sort of thing.

Jesse has previously said he enjoys strawberry Bubly, something I’m struggling to understand after purchasing 10 cans of it.* I think I trust Jesse’s opinion of Polar more than his past seltzer rankings. Our Lots 4 Less case of Bubly was a variety pack of flavors and crustiness-level, some covered in dirt, but at least it didn’t cover up 25% of our floor space in cans. But then again, we don’t live in Manhattan. Windy City Pride!

*Jesse note: Strawberry Bubly is incredibly good, something I hope Pearse learns with age and experience. I have never consumed something strawberry-flavored that tastes this much like an actual strawberry. There's not a hint of sweetness, yet it tastes like a sweet and juicy berry - pure magic.

I got a bag of mini York Peppermint Patties earlier and woke one morning, upset I didn’t have plans for breakfast, and so made myself a peppermint-patty-topped chocolate oatmeal on the stovetop, in what feels like a cruelty to myself and the York brand. Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Longtime Haul readers will remember that I bought 12 graham cracker crusts, lost most to the ants, and then purchased another 12-pack. Well, I’m still baking my way through them as they expire this month, technically. My old pack of gelatin expired in October, so I thought I’d combine those two with some pomegranate seeds and Warrens Cranberry Festival cranberries in this gelatin pie. The gelatin, set with orange bitters and lemon juice, was intense, but very fun. Replacing sugar with surplus glucose was a mistake. Seen here beside surplus Black venus rice pudding from Glorioso's Italian Market: any recommendations for what to use this rice for?

Seeing these “Lots 4 Less” El Milagro tortillas turned into little chicken-bacon-ranch tacos was so satisfying, a kind of cafeteria-level joy in my life. Was it worth breading and shallow-frying brined chicken strips with surplus matzo meal? No, no really. What’s sadder is that I checked the archives, and I made this meal (near-exactly) with my last haul of Lots 4 Less tortillas last July. Running out of ideas?

Belated Chag Pesach Sameach to those who celebrate! We were recently the recipients of some offloaded tahini by Monica’s grandmother. Her son came from out west with his love for sesame paste, bought some jars, and then left without finishing them. No one in her house wanted to try the tahini, so I whipped it into these milk chocolate bars from Jessie Sheehan. They were so good we served them for Passover and Easter. For my Passover seder plate, I got some discount skirt steak that I toaster ovened with a mayo marinade and served with green beans and mushroom/pear kugel.

More recently, Monica brought me some cheesy Annie bunnies from food distro, sort of their indie darling version of a Cheez-It.* Last weekend, I cracked the box open to add them to this salad. It as a real kitchen sink creation of whatever I had: chopped bread-and-butter pickles from the discount rack, gochujang pulled pork, cashews, celery, lettuce, a dressing made with Edinburgh chippy sauce and yeah, bunnies as the crouton elements. I was made fun of for eating this. I just think since I learned to make salads with croissants as the croutons, my perspective of what counts as croutons has been exponentially growing. Either way, enjoy a salad al fresco sometime with me!

*Jesse's note: We love Annie's indie-fication of traditional snacks, don't we folks?