A Very Special Hauliday
(Note: When I tried to send this last night, a message popped up that said, literally, "Woah there tiger, you're only allowed to send one newsletter per day!" Goofy and condescending — I may be switching platforms soon.)
Abby is doing gig work at the US Open right now so I was also going to do some real labor. But nah, too sleepy, wrong frame of mind. Instead, here is some extra Haul content for the Real Fans.
Our anti-food waste strategies only go so far, especially when the over-stuffed fridge is packed with visual obstructions. We could probably use one of those fridges that yell at you when the blueberries start to rot, but we pride ourselves on our memory and our DIY panache. Anyway, here's some moldy beets, on their way to the compost. Kinda pretty if it wasn't so demoralizing.
TW: fish spines (trigger warnings are more effective before the thing, probably). Remember the big box of headless whiting I bought awhile back? They were mostly deboned except for their spines, as I learned when cooking dinner last night. Kind of gnarly to rip 'em out with my bare hands. Felt queasy but also powerful? It helped that the spines tore out quite cleanly (don't click) which was viscerally satisfying.
I pan-fried the filets in butter and topped them with this deluxe black garlic treatment. Abby gave the dish her best compliment: "They'd serve this at a restaurant!"
(Note: See the big chunks torn out of our kitchen rug? Our dog is a turd.)
This is the final resting place for that infamously swollen chile sack I bought on a madman's whim. Yes, it's a piping hot bowl of Cincinnati chili. I should note that it's aggressively inauthentic, as I didn't add weird Ohio spices like cinnamon and cloves, or oyster crackers (my buddy Carl says I'm "culturally insensitive.") Really I just liked the concept of chile on spaghetti, and luckily Abby liked it too. No divorce for moi!
Pictured on top is melted cheese, sour cream, and raw onions. Oh, I also mixed in some homemade marinara and Cholula hot sauce because it was a little bland. Yet it wasn't rotten, which felt like a win! Also winning: not buying the newest foodservice castoff at the surplus grocer, a huge, lumpy bag of bright-yellow mac & cheese.
I'm working up my courage to buy/try this, it's supposed to be very good for the immune system!
Abby is thoroughly charmed by these Toy Story 4 bottled waters but there's no bubbles so why would we buy them?
Big Apple veggie mix baby! Only in new yawk.
Finally, let me introduce you to my nemesis, the scoundrel Jeff Orlick. I am on the far left in this photo, he is on the far right. We were judging a competitive eating contest, which was really gross. That big moist dumpling they're cutting into sat in the sun all day, and was filled with a bunch of miniature dumplings. I kept picturing the little ones scurrying away after they cut into the big wet mothership.
Oh the green-haired dude is competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi. I had his number in my phone for awhile but deleted it when he didn't respond to like three texts (seriously).